I’ve been working long hours and I have just not had the time or mental energy to do much writing. Sorry, but these times will pass.
I am two months away from consistently blogging every day for a year. I’m proud of this moment. But to be honest I can’t say I have been proud of everything I posted. And there are many days the content was weak. I’ve posted a number of photos, and videos and quotes. All of which is good. But I don’t want this to be a photo blog, or a video blog or even a quote blog. The heart of what I am aiming for is writing. The content which matters to me in this space is words. I’m happy with a few things I’ve started in this space. And there are more I believe I could bring to life here. The work on tarot and astrology has been good for the blog, and it has been good for me. The biggest thing I’ve done it start writing about my own life in a real way. It started as a bit of a lark. But now I have written a great deal of my own story. One day I may edit it, and submit it as a novel to be published and sold. And all of you will have gotten a free sneak peek.
But right now I am not comfortable publishing a book about my own life. Because there is so much of my life ahead. And the best days may be yet to be lived. Not to mention, while I have had an interesting life. I don’t believe I’ve had a remarkable life. One day this may change, and one day it may not change. The future of course is being written in the present. In today’s choices, and yesterday’s choices. The choice to write every day is an oddly hard choice for me at times. There are t times of course when it is just a matter of time. But there are still moments when the blankness of the unwritten space scares. What will I write? Will anyone read it? What will its value be to me – or someone else for the matter. I still don’t always believe in myself as a writer. Though I do believe I can write good work.
Two more months. In some ways it feels far away. But I have come so far and I know soon it may be celebrating two years, or three years or more.
It has been a long week. And all I have in my head anymore is work. Which is okay for now, and I think once things settle down more it will be easier. Then I can come back and do more writing. In the mean time, just go for a walk and listen to the trees and the birds. Sorry.
I keep thinking at some point in the future I will have more time. But this point never seems to come. Will it be tomorrow? In this case I doubt it. But maybe on the day after, maybe. I just want enough time to sleep, go to the gym and write as much as I like. Is this a crazy request? Anyway, now is also not the moment I have time.
I’m not sure if anyone cares about the Astrology posts. I’ve been enjoying doing them. And so I will keep them as part of the blog. But I do see they have become too much of the blog as of late. It has been a long week and I hope to write something better soon. I’m sorry.
But I know it has turned into one in the last couple weeks. On the one hand it is great to be getting out in the fresh air. And I love to be sharing my photos with as many people as I can. So, the problem isn’t too many photos. The problem has been too little writing.
Right now it is 3 a.m. – again. Yeah, there is a 3 a.m. in every day. And more and more I seem to be looking at the clock at 3 a.m. and thinking about going to bed. But also thinking about wanting to write in this blog. When I am not out hiking, working, at the gym or trying to catch up with some basic record keeping. I would like to be writing. But life has a way of pushing our plans to the side doesn’t it. And so I don’t write. I think, tomorrow, tomorrow. But the magical tomorrow hasn’t come yet. Has it come for you?
This morning I forgot to write in my paper journal. So I will do it before I go to bed and maybe write again in the morning. Waking up late in the day this morning, I wanted to get started. I knew what my plans were, and I knew I would need time. So out before I could think. Maybe like other people I know I just need to think about what I am doing more. Think about how I spend my time.
Consider this an attempt on my part of refocusing. I won’t be hiking for a couple days because of work. And my plan is, tomorrow, yes tomorrow, to write something good here. But I do need sleep right now.
This site is becoming a good place for me to write. And I have been doing a good job of writing every day. But I have been writing My Life stories, astrology and tarot. What I haven’t been writing is personal things. And I might from time to time but I am starting to feel like this is not the best place to express my feelings and emotions. Today was really a downer day for me. And I kind of needed it, but I wasn’t very productive as a result. I always expect to get so much done every day. I only had today off, and now I go back to work for two more days. Then one day off. I hate splits. Anyway, what I wanted to say is I am thinking about moving my touchy feely posts more the Livejournal. I still have a blog there which has not been getting much use.