Where am I now?
It is 12:15 a.m. and if I get to sleep soon I’ll get about 5 hours sleep. This is the new normal. I haven’t drank enough water and had burritos for dinner again. My life feels like it is on solid footing in some ways. But solid in terms of being able to stay where I am without changes. And maybe I need changes. Writing isn’t a part of who I am lately, Tarot isn’t a part of who I am lately, Astrology isn’t a part of who I am lately. And I miss those things. I can read the beautiful words of Sylvia Plath. But my own words are grey dust. I want to create something living with my words. This blog isn’t living. It is a dusty forgotten place which gets no traffic. And before you try to say it isn’t true: I can see my traffic. Maybe there isn’t a place in the world for a new Mark Twain, or Lord Byron, Hemingway, Camus, Sartre. Who do I want to be anyway? But I still want to write. And I still in some small part of my soul dream of a different life. What I don’t dream of is the bridge which takes me from this side to the other. And maybe I need to build the bridge: or learn to be a dolphin. Maybe it will just take more time. Right now time isn’t on my side. It is 12:20 and time for bed. Goodnight.