Tag Archives: dream

Flying

The first time I flew in a plane was with my dad.

The flight was from San Francisco to New York. We were going to visit his family.

The land moved slowly away outside the window. I could see the San Francisco Bay. Then a field of houses. Over Stockton farms were visible as a grid across the landscape. Then we were in the clouds.

Ever since I was young I dreamed of flying. But not in an airplane. In my dreams flying was simple. I would take a step. Then I would take another step before my foot hit the ground. I would repeat this trick faster and faster. Until I had climbed into the sky on an invisible staircase.

I don’t recall much of the trip with my father. I visited his sisters, and his brother. And their family. I wouldn’t see most of then again for over 20 years. I will never know what I missed in those years. What I missed by not having a relationship with my family in New York.

In my dreams flying didn’t scare me at first. But sometimes I would feel like Icarus. Don’t go so high I would say, but I kept going higher and higher anyway. Maybe these dreams were about escaping something in my life. Or just escaping my life.

There were times I was afraid of falling. And others when I just didn’t care. In many of my dreams I would fly over water.

I would be safely in the sky. And below me would be an ocean of water. If the sky is the mind. And the sea is emotion. It should be clear I have been using my mind to flee my feelings for years. And I have.

Flying back from New York I remember the clouds. When you are above the clouds looking down they look solid. They don’t look like an infinite number of tiny drops of water. But more like a snow covered landscape. A magical landscape.

All of my plane trips have been connected with my dad. Once later I flew to visit him in San Francisco. At the airport we talked to a limo driver. He was hiring out his services, and asked in which district of the city did we live. Instead of taking a cab home, we took a limo – with some other people. I had never been in a limo before. And I never have since.

Trying to go home from the trip there was trouble with my flight. The airline put me up in a hotel for the night. The next morning watching TV in the lobby I discovered Mr. Bean. Oh yeah, I know I wasn’t the first one.

I never much liked the flying dreams. You would think they would be exciting. But they aren’t. In a way it is all so boring. Flying though the air, and looking down at the world. And often they left me feeling alone. No one else was flying through the sky with me in those dreams.

In fact there are rarely people in these dreams. And to the extent I even thought of others, it was to hide. In my dreams I wouldn’t want others to know I was flying. I would just hope they wouldn’t see me.

And I do hope people don’t see me. I can’t fly away from real life. But I can run away in other ways. Run from people and there prying eyes. Run to where people don’t see me.

The last time I flew in a plane was with my father. I was so stressed about missing the plane. The plan was for me to fly from Colorado. I was living near Vail. Then I would meet him near Washington, D.C. in an airport. We would fly together to Long Island.

The thing about me is I am objectly unsuited for many common life skills. I could list a dozen basic areas of knowledge, which I just don’t seem to posses. And getting myself together enough to catch a plane is a real struggle.

The flight was paid for by father. His sister had died. And he wanted me to be there for the funeral. Only the second funeral in my life. So we flew out to New York. And saw the family he left years and years before. The family which was only a shadow of a memory to me. My dad flew away from his family too.

When my niece was born. I left town. My sister hasn’t ever forgiven me. But like my father. Like Icarus in my dreams. It felt like an escape at the time. And I did escape. But like I said, flying around in the air all alone isn’t much fun.

Since my last trip to New York me and the cousins are friends online. As much of a friendship as can be experienced through social media.

In the last few years flying dreams have been more rare. Ever since I cracked the code. Maybe dreams are trying to tell us something. If we don’t get the message they try and try and try. Then one day it falls into our awareness. We hear the lesson. And the dream stops.

We dream other dreams. I would like to say I am closer to my own emotions. But I know it is a lie. Also I am no closer to my family either in California. Or in New York. I haven’t even seen my father in over five years. Since the trip to New York. I haven’t seen my sister in an even longer time.

Being alone is escaping. Flying away. Pigeons can always find their way home. But don’t count on finding your way home. I never have.

(A Room to Write exercise about flying)

Dream

Last night I had a dream I was moving away. In the dream I didn’t know where I was moving. I was saying goodbye to everyone here. And I felt so sad. The dream didn’t involve the part where I choose to move. So in my dream I felt like I wanted to change my mind and stay. But it was too late. I recall feeling like I didn’t want to move anymore but I had to move.

In the dream I was feeling sad about missing both people and places. Would I ever see these mountains again, I wondered. Would I ever come back to this place, even just to visit.

And I was talking to a friend. I asked them, “we will stay in touch won’t we?” And they said we would. But it didn’t feel like either one of us believed.

At one point I was thinking about my job. It wasn’t clear in my job if I had given notice. But I felt bad about leaving Walmart. And I wasn’t sure what would be next for me. Maybe in my dream I was moving without a job waiting for me. Where I was moving, and why I was moving. These facts were not a part of the dream.

Just the feeling of losing this place. I like living here. Which isn’t to say I will always be living here. But my dream makes me feel like I want to be careful about a choice to move. If I move there has to be a clear reason, and a clear place I am going. A future job or prospect needs to be awaiting me. I can’t move just to move anymore. Even though I still love moving.

So, this is two dream posts in a row. I plan on posting about tarot today. And maybe doing a My Life post as well. But I got a list to accomplish.

Oh, in a separate dream I was in the Rose Quarter. I don’t know where. But someone wanted directions to a hotel in Beaverton. So I was thinking of the easiest way to get there. Semi-waking in the process I think I told them to go to MLK then take Broadway to I-5 North and the 405 to Highway 26 east.

Dream

I had a dream last night I could fly. Which isn’t unusual for me. It would be if I had a dream I couldn’t fly.

In this dream I had some sort of artificial wings I used to fly. But I recall having dreams I could walk on air. I would step and then step again, and again really fast until I just walked into the sky. Sometimes I would worry about people seeing me. But other times it didn’t bother me. At times I would get so high I would worry about how I would get down. And I would try to descend. But the flying up was easier than the flying down.

I had a few other random dreams I don’t remember. Most of my dreams are patches of dreams. Or more emotional, and feeling than image based.

Maybe tonight I can dream something to share tomorrow. Goodnight.

Dream

There isn’t much of the dream I recall. I was in a classroom. It was more like a lecture hall. And Lisa, the tarot girl was the professor. There was some kind of LED ticker with numbers on it above the stage. And I seemed to be rating her for some reason. The numbers seemed connected to the ratings. And while she couldn’t see them, I knew she would see them later. I worried she would see how I rated her, and she would know how I felt about her. Lisa is an amazing and beautiful woman. She is the kind of woman who scares me a little. Then in the dream I am sitting at a table talking to Lisa. It is just the two of us. I am telling her about the tarot book I was thinking about writing. Then the dream is over.

The Star

The Star card is about focus. A star stands out in the darkness. A single point of light. Like a mind focused. What do we focus on? What do we need to focus on?

In the last card we experienced The Tower, which removed our illusions.

The star represents both a singularity as well as a duality. There is one star in the sky. Like the star leading the wisemen to Jesus. But the light of the star sets up a duality with the dark sky.

The Star card more than most other cards is calling us to grow. Not is a hurried manner, but in a deliberate way. We need to create a space of stillness within ourselves. And it is within this space we will grow.

The next card in the journey is The Moon card. Under the light of The Moon secrets are shared. We tap into our inner wisdom. And discover a strength the world doesn’t know about, neither do we. As storms have rolled across the surface. Underneath a seed has been sprouting.

The Star is card seventeen. And the seven is a reminder to the sacred truth which cannot be destroyed. This is a truth we already know. And when we take this truth into our heart, we add our one. The number eight is a number of power. By focusing on what is eternal we see where true power lies.

The Star card is preparing us for the changes ahead. Finding a peace and strength inside makes changes easier. Stars are the mothers of everything you see. In the early universe none of the elements of life existed. And they were created in the hot heart of stars. And the stars would give their lives in creating the elements.

Like stars a quiet meditative place can be fertile ground. Like Carl Jung who went through his Dark Night of the Soul. And it enriched his work and his life. In the rich soil of healing and rest, our future selves are being born. Like seeds germinating in the ground.

If our lives are busy. The Star card is suggesting it is time to take a breathe. We can be too busy to see the early sprouts of new life. The new life of richness meant for us. And we don’t water the sprouts. We are so busy looking for the next big thing. We miss the next small thing. And the small thing dies before it can become the biggest thing in our lives.

Like a dream I had of being on a beautiful mountain. Then having worries about work. We can focus on the beautiful world where we were born to live. Or we can focus on the hum-drum small-minded problems of the mundane world. Which isn’t to suggest we need to drop our responsibilities. But hope for a change. Believe in a change. Water the small light in your soul. Give it your love. Give it your hopes. Allow it to slowly grow and mature.

Today chop wood and carry water. Because wood must be chopped and water must be carried. But also encourage your own dreams. And one day your dreams will encourage you.

The Star is asking us to believe we are stars. We have the potential creative energy of a star within ourselves. And the ability to transform our world and give life to our dreams. But not only our own dreams, but everyone’s dreams. When we live our own dreams we make it easier for everyone to live their dreams. While The Star card has a single star, in the night sky there are billions of stars.

When you become a star, you can become a guide for the whole world. And the whole world is dying every day. The whole world is being born everyday. And the whole world needs a star.

Dream

I was at a local place called The Grotto. Well it felt like The Grotto. Which is a Catholic retreat on a butte over North-East Portland. An amazing and beautiful place.

Anyway, I was standing in front of these big glass doors. And I put some large coins in a slot. I am not sure what I expected, but the doors began to open. When they opened a little I slid in, it felt like I was sneaking. Inside I walked down a hallway, and it had art on the walls. I walked out of the hall into an amazing place. It was high on a plateau. I could see a town small at the bottom. There were a lot of people walking around. As I walked around I saw different buildings and people driving carts.

At one point I saw a trail. In my mind I knew it went down to a ledge with a great view. It felt good to be in this place. Then I heard a voice in my head. It said I had worked over my hours. And I got upset. Was I on the clock during the dream? I recall thinking about how I had gone over by 12 minutes. And wanting to do something to fix the error.

What does it mean? I think it clearly means I can be in an amazing place. I can see the beauty, I can see the world. I can feel good. Or I can worry about stupid things at work. Lately it is pretty clear which choice I have been making.

Dream

So I was in a classroom. And this guy I work with was there. He was talking to people in the classroom and trying to make a pitch. At one point he took out a stack of towels, brown bath towels. He started throwing them to people in the room. In my dream I remember thinking about how he had done it before in another classroom. And in the previous experience the people didn’t know what to do with the bath towels. And I started laughing in my dream. It felt funny. And I was talking to the guy, and I told him you’re trying to be Schmitty Winkleson¬†(https://goo.gl/YP9QHz), and you’re not, so stop. It was an odd dream, and then I kept thinking about if the person in the dream would even know who I was talking about in the dream.

Dreams

A couple interesting dream fragments.

  1. I was near a road not far from where I grew up. In my dream it was still a dirt road. But there was a lot of traffic on the road. Then there was a car driving in such a way to purposely dig up the dirt on the road. Spinning its wheels to make deep ruts. Then a big truck was driving along and doing the same thing. And I was watching and thinking, why would someone drive like that. And the truck turned around and started to come back. I heard someone talking about finding me. The person wanted to get to me because they were concerned I would tell someone what I had seen. So I ran away. I feel like I was flying. I went around a house, and then I was on the ground and there were two roads. I took one which in my dream I knew where it went. And it went down to the river. There was a bridge. None of this landscape is something I recognize and it isn’t landscape near the area where I grew up.
  2. I was on a trip with several other people. We were traveling along a river. And there was a section with bars. You had to hold the bars to cross over the river. And the river was raging full of water. There were bars both to hold, and bars to walk along. But in my dream I was just holding the upper bar and holding by body out. I was supporting my self with just my arm muscles. Which in real life is something I doubt I could do for very long. I crossed a couple sections in this manner.

Work Post

I don’t have much time to write today. And I haven’t done a work post in a while.

I have been working in produce all the time now. And I kind of miss the deli. It is easier in many ways, but I am still pulled out of the department. In the next couple days I expect a conversation about some overtime I accidentally earned.

So working in produce I’ve been trying to do some projects. I set up the herb rack, which is doing well, selling. I organized the apples in the cooler last week. And yesterday I had time to sweep under all the shelves. It was gross, things down there you couldn’t even tell what they had been.

Speaking of gross. Who knew rotten pumpkin smelled so bad. I had to go through those the other day and I found a couple bad ones. Yucky! I don’t think I will be eating much pumpkin flavored anything for a little while.

So my schedule appears to be set. But sometimes it seems like I am not fully aware of their plans for me. My produce manager has made a few comments, suggesting things could be changing at some point. Of course I know the nature of change I would like to see, but I may still need to wait.

Last night I had a lot of strange dreams. In one I was living in a police state. A high tech one, and there was a laser which would kill people who stepped out of line. There were riots in the streets. And I remember thinking the best thing to do would be to hide underground where the computer couldn’t find us, or kill us.

I had another dream I was sitting by a river. Where I was sitting was a hole in the foundation of a building. I was watching the river go by me. But somehow I could also see people in the window above me. It was a reflection of some kind, and in the dream it made sense. But now I wonder what it was reflecting off. There was a walk way, and it went out to a small spot over the river. It was decaying. In my dream I thought about going out to sit there instead of where I was sitting.

I’ve started reading a new book. The China Mirage. It is about the history of American and Chinese relations. It purports to explain the misunderstanding between the two countries. Much of what it has discussed so far hasn’t been new to me.

Dream

I don’t recall most of my dreams. But here is one.

I was walking along a river, by myself. It felt like the river where I grew up. In the dream it felt like I needed to do something, to go somewhere. But for the moment I was walking by the river.

Under the river I could see frogs. They were hopping along the bottom of the river. For some reason I could hear them croaking. Not as you would hear something underwater. But as you would normally hear something.

It was a straight and shallow part of the river. The current was slow. The surface of the water was calm. I could also see bugs on the surface. And grass lined the banks. I was walking slowly, even though I knew I should be going. I wanted to take my time.

Then I woke up. On the bed next to me was my cat. She normally sleeps on the bed next to me. But above her I saw a spider hanging at the end of a thread. It was clear in my mind. I could see the details. I snapped in shock and the spider was gone. My kitty was still there on the bed beside me. The spider wasn’t real. I looked for it just to make sure.